any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
