He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
