i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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