why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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