careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
