i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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