After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
