You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
