You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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