i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
