literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
