The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
