If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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