Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
