He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
