3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need to calm my uterus...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
