dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
