Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
