whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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