Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
