So gin and wine won't be happening again
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
