I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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