hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
