Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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