My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
