I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
