: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
