they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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