i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
