yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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