I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
