accomplished twins. life is a go
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
