So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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