i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
