just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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