I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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