Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
