She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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