It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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