I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
