I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
