He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
