Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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