dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
