I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
