I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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