I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
