I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
