break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
