Kiss
Puke
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
