All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
