Yo dont text me then not text me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
