My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They took my balls.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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