I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
