Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
