What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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