Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said her name was "party"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
