I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
