i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
