my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
