Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
