She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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