If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
