it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
